insect.christmas ʚïɞ

insect.christmas ʚïɞ

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chapter 0: turnaround, zapped.

    throughout the rancid jungle, the perilous rocky brains, and tripled cockatoo plants, thrusts Eo out of a sewer pipe; the sewer pipe threaded like a janky screw. Eo is surrounded by 3 empty-looking space lobsters, each holding large sex toys and pairs of scissors. 5 meters north, as Eo is pelted with the water from the pipe shaped like broccoli, is a [SNIFFER]. Eo analyzes left and by the time they reach right gets bonked seventeen times from each crustacean, shattering her bones like twisted atoms splintering through deranged chaos and space. Eo falls.

    meet Onn, a tabloid-plastered fungal arithmetic machine formed from scrap, bone and PCB board. this creature inhabits a crust above, a step above the pipe and piss Eo finds herself drenched in. Onn is surrounded by 3 empty-looking space lobsters, each holding large sex toys and pairs of scissors. 5 meters north, as Onn is pelted with the water from the sink shaped like onigiri, is a [SNIFFER]. Onn analyzes left and by the time he reaches right gets bonked seventeen times from each crustacean, shattering her bank account and sicking her to the dogs outside in the rain.

    Eo is a poor, uncultured, bratty 20 year old Enbean scrap collector in XRAM. Onn is an arithmetic machine who just got fired from his job as "EXTREMELY LAZY PIECE OF SHIT GOOD-FOR-NOTHING SUSHI CHEF" (as the boss put it) in XRAM. Eo looks at each dildo-enforced space lobster (ready for combat) and giggles. each future-batch-of-lobster-chowder begins to decay as maggots swarm their cells, writhing and wiggling their way out each pore. three space lobsters each began to make one with the dirt. Onn's metal crashes against star-pointed cutlery, sickles and granules of sand. getting a job in a restaurant is tough work, it requires 8 years of studying.

    Earth isn't what it's so cracked up to be. firstly, the Earth was surrounded in a large pink mucous, then stabbed to death by very long tendrils that look like usb-c cables. yeah, it's not pretty. years later though, the earth decayed into several layers, like a birthday cake full of poopy shit, hahahahaha. god it was so fucking funny. and so just picture this earth right, covered in shit and piss, and you know what, let me just explain it this way:

    1. one year, the Earth was invaded by Bigfoot. it turned out that Bigfoot was actually a real guy, he just didn't live on Earth. once he figured that out, he wasn't very happy, so he flew over in a saucer. He took global rule for a while, and it wasn't really like a ruling you're used to. this was a global rule something inhuman. not inhumane though, it actually granted all humans eternal happiness forever without any feeling. it was a never-ending heaven, as they called it.

    2. later though, Bigfoot had some enemies that came by and blasted him out, and they got this really evil alien mummy that looked like a Marvel villian! doesn't that make you happy? aww! jump for joy! little Marvel villian!!! Hahahaha, shut the fuck up. i don't know how this all ends up for you. i'm just studying 21st century Earth, i'm not even from there. all I know is that this book is huge where I'm from, so you'd probably like it too. i figured I'd translate it for you. anyway, I won't budge in too much.